The Update, the Vent, and the Disaster

The idea

Michael Lopp, who writes as Rands, published this essay on 22 September 2010. Its core claim is that a one-on-one exists to give "the smallest voice a chance to be heard" in a noisy business, and that each one falls into one of three buckets. He starts every one-on-one with the same soft opener, "How are you?", because the way someone answers tells you which bucket you are in.

The three conversations

• The update. Most one-on-ones. The person walks through status. Lopp argues that treating this as success is a mistake: a one-on-one is not a status report. When he hears an update, he listens harder for something worth discussing, and if nothing appears in the first fifteen minutes he has three moves: raise one of a few talking points he keeps in his back pocket, turn one aspect of the person's performance review into the topic, or talk about his own current "disaster" so that one of them learns something.
• The vent. Something has built up and needs to come out. The job is to listen, without problem-solving, redirecting or comforting yet. When the vent loses steam, you start triage. A vent that repeats endlessly and wants no help becomes a rant, and it is fine to step in.
• The disaster. A vent that turns into an attack. The advice is to stay calm, say very little and let the emotion pass, because at that point the conversation is about the emotion, not the issue. Lopp argues that a disaster is usually the result of poor management: problems that were never heard earlier.

The rules around it

Before the three buckets, the essay sets out basic rules: hold one-on-ones at a regular time, do not cancel them (each cancellation tells the person they do not matter), and do not squeeze them into fifteen minutes, because a meaningful conversation takes time.

Why it is worth reading

It changes what you think a good one-on-one is. A run of pleasant, status-only meetings is not evidence that everything is fine. The goal is a weekly place where dissatisfaction can surface quietly, so it can be handled before it becomes a resignation or a blow-up in a meeting.

Who else should read it

It is written for managers, but engineers benefit too. If your manager's one-on-ones feel like status meetings, the essay gives you language to change them: bring one topic that is not status, and say when something is bothering you before it turns into a vent.

How to use it

• Read it once, then look at your last five one-on-ones: which bucket was each?
• Keep two or three back-pocket topics for each person you meet.
• Protect the slot on your calendar.

Lopp's books on engineering management include Managing Humans.

Best for: new managers and tech leads, and anyone who attends one-on-ones and finds them pointless.