Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (Emily and Amelia Nagoski)

What it is

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle is by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, published by Ballantine Books in 2019. The authors wrote it, in their words, as the book they needed themselves. It was written with women in mind, but its tools apply to anyone who feels worn out by everything they have to do. There is also a companion Burnout Workbook.

The ideas that matter most

• Stressors and stress are different. Stressors are the things that activate your stress response: exams, a job hunt, family pressure. Stress is what happens in your body. You can deal with an exam and still carry the stress in your body afterwards.
• Complete the stress cycle. The body needs a signal that it is safe. The book lists ways to give it one: physical activity, slow breathing, friendly social contact, laughing, affection, a good cry, and creative expression.
• Manage what you can, accept what you cannot. Some problems you can plan and act on. Others, like an unfair system, you cannot fix quickly, and the book helps you tell the two apart.
• Meaning keeps you going. Something bigger than yourself, whether faith, family, community or a purpose, makes hard seasons bearable.
• Rest is not a reward. People need real rest and sleep to function. It is not something you earn only after finishing everything.

Honest limits

This is a self-help book, not treatment. Burnout can overlap with depression and anxiety; if exhaustion, low mood or hopelessness last for weeks, see a doctor or counsellor. Some content is about gender and US culture, so adapt it to your own context. It will not change a workload that is too heavy; for that you may need a conversation with your manager, teacher or family.

Who it suits

Students in long exam seasons, people working and studying at once, carers, and early-career staff who feel constantly tired.

How to use it well

• Read a chapter a week.
• Pick one stress-cycle activity and do it daily for two weeks, for example a 20 minute walk.
• Make a list of stressors you can act on and those you cannot, and plan one step for the first list.

Pair it with on Sefism

• Work through Looking after your mental health.
• Build people to lean on in Building your support system.
• Set realistic routines with Focus, habits and time.
• For advice on your own situation, ask Tauseef a question.

Best for: understanding stress in the body and practical ways to release it.