What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection (Jia Jiang, TEDxMtHood)

What it is

Jia Jiang is an entrepreneur and writer who, after an investor turned him down, decided to desensitise himself to rejection by seeking it out for 100 days. He made strange requests of strangers, such as asking to borrow 100 dollars or for a "burger refill" at a restaurant, and filmed the results. He gave this talk at TEDxMtHood in May 2015. It runs about 15 minutes; he also wrote a book about the experiment, Rejection Proof.

The ideas that matter most

• Fear of rejection is often bigger than rejection. Hearing no hurt less each time he asked, and the fear shrank with practice.
• Do not run after a no. When he stayed and asked "why?", the conversation often continued, and the reason was usually about the other person's situation, not about him.
• A no is an opinion, not a verdict. Rejection says as much about the person saying no, and their timing and constraints, as it does about you.
• Ask more than you think you can. Some surprising requests were accepted. Many opportunities are lost because people never ask.
• Rejection can be turned into information. Each no gave him something to learn about the request or the approach.

Honest limits

Asking strangers for odd favours is low-stakes; a rejection from your dream job or a university hurts in a different way. Use the idea of gradual practice, not the stunts. If rejections have left you feeling hopeless or low for a long time, talk to someone you trust or a counsellor.

Who it suits

Students afraid to email professors, job seekers who stop after a few rejections, and anyone who wants to pitch, ask for a raise or reach out to a mentor.

How to use it well

• Watch the talk, then plan a small "rejection practice" week: one low-stakes ask a day.
• After each no, ask one polite follow-up question and note the answer.
• Keep a list of every ask, yes or no. The count of asks is the real measure.

Pair it with on Sefism

• Follow Handling rejection and setbacks.
• Practise asking and speaking up with Speaking and being heard and Building real confidence.
• For advice on your own situation, ask Tauseef a question.

Best for: making "no" less frightening by practising it.