How to Make Stress Your Friend (Kelly McGonigal, TEDGlobal 2013)

What it is

How to Make Stress Your Friend is a talk by Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, given at TEDGlobal in June 2013. She admits that she used to tell people stress makes you ill, and explains why research changed her mind. It runs about 14 minutes and is one of TED's most watched talks on stress.

The ideas that matter most

• Beliefs about stress may matter. She describes a large US study that followed adults over several years: high stress was linked with a higher risk of dying mainly in people who also believed stress was harmful.
• Reframe the stress response. A pounding heart and fast breathing before an exam can be read as your body preparing you to meet the challenge, not as a sign you will fail. In one study she cites, people taught this view had a healthier physical stress response.
• Stress makes you social. She points to oxytocin, a hormone released under stress, which nudges you to seek support and to support others.
• Caring for others builds resilience. Reaching out, and helping people, can soften the impact of stressful events.

Honest limits

The study at the centre of the talk is observational: it shows a link, not proof that belief causes the outcome. Researchers still debate how strong these effects are. Changing how you see stress does not remove real stressors, such as unpaid fees, an unsafe home or an impossible workload; those need practical action and sometimes help from others. Ongoing stress that affects sleep, appetite or mood is worth discussing with a doctor or counsellor.

Who it suits

Students in exam season, job seekers before interviews, and anyone who panics about feeling stressed.

How to use it well

• Watch it, then the next time you feel stress rising, try telling yourself "my body is getting ready for this".
• When you are stressed, contact one person: to ask for support, or to offer it.
• Pair the mindset shift with practical steps: plan, rest and sleep.

Pair it with on Sefism

• Follow Looking after your mental health.
• Build people to turn to in Building your support system.
• Keep routines realistic with Focus, habits and time.
• For advice on your own situation, ask Tauseef a question.

Best for: a kinder, more useful way to think about stress.