Being kinder to yourself

When things go wrong, many people speak to themselves far more harshly than they would ever speak to a friend: "You are useless", "Everyone else manages". Many students believe this self-criticism keeps them motivated. Research led by Kristin Neff and others suggests self-compassion works better: it is linked to less anxiety and depression and to people trying again after failure.

Self-compassion has three parts: treating yourself with kindness instead of harsh judgement, remembering that struggling is part of being human and not something only you go through, and noticing painful feelings without ignoring or exaggerating them.

Try asking: what would I say to a close friend in my situation? Then say it to yourself.