Stage 6 of 7 · 6 lessons · ~1 week

Blind spots and feedback from others

See what others see that you cannot, choose the right people to ask, ask specific questions, and take feedback in without defending or collapsing.

Start: Why everyone has blind spots

Lessons· one lesson for each topic, in this order

Do this

Write down one area where you suspect you have a blind spot
Choose three loving critics from different parts of your life
Ask each of them one or two specific questions about a real situation
Listen, thank them and ask one clarifying question without defending
Write down the patterns and compare them with your own view
Act on one pattern for a month, then check back with the person who raised it

Start with

VideoFree
How to Disagree Productively and Find Common Ground (Julia Dhar, TED@BCG)
Julia Dhar (TED@BCG Toronto)
How to hear a different view without turning it into a fight

Practise

ADPList
Free mentors who can give you an outside view when nobody near you can

Keep handy

One on One Meeting Questions
Ready-made questions for asking a manager or senior for useful feedback

Also worth your time

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters MostReadPaid
Why feedback hurts, and how to listen for what is useful in a hard conversation

Before moving on: Feedback from at least three loving critics using specific questions, the patterns written down and compared with your own view, one change acted on for a month, and a check-in message sent to close the loop.

Tauseef's advice

Asking how you come across takes courage, and hearing the answer takes more. Start with people who care about you and a small, specific question. Thank them every time, even when it hurts. The people who keep growing are not the ones who get the least criticism; they are the ones who keep asking.

Struggling right now? If you are in danger or thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line: Find a helpline (any country), Umang (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS, 14416 (India).