Hear it without defending

Feedback stings, especially the true kind. Your first instinct may be to explain, defend or argue, or to agree too fast and feel crushed later. A better routine: listen to the end, say thank you, and ask one clarifying question, such as "Can you give me an example?" or "What would good look like?".

Do not decide in the moment whether it is right. Write it down, wait a day, then think about it calmly. Notice your reaction too: if a comment hurts a lot, it may touch something important.

Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, two of the authors of Difficult Conversations, point out in their book Thanks for the Feedback that we often reject feedback because of who said it or how, not because of what it said.