Stage 5 of 7 · 6 lessons · ~2 weeks
Prepare for and have the conversation
Choose the moment, the setting and the words. Practise until you can stay calm, then talk, and treat it as the first of several conversations rather than one decisive fight.
Start: Choose the time and the placeLessons· one lesson for each topic, in this order
Do this
- Choose which parent to talk to first, and when and where
- Ask for the conversation in advance
- Write your opening three sentences in the language you speak at home
- Role-play the conversation at least twice, including the hardest lines
- Write the sentence you will use to pause if it gets heated
- Have the conversation, then write down what was said and agreed
- Set a date for the next conversation
Start with· follow one of these
- BookPaidCrucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High
Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, Emily Gregory (McGraw Hill) · Paid book
How to stay calm and keep talking when stakes are high and emotions run strong
- VideoFreeHow to Disagree Productively and Find Common Ground (Julia Dhar, TED@BCG)
Julia Dhar (TED@BCG Toronto)
A short talk on disagreeing in a way that keeps the relationship
Practise
Keep handy
Before moving on: At least one real conversation with a parent, prepared with a chosen time, a written opening and two role-play practices, with notes of what was said and a date for the next one.
Your goal for the first talk is not a yes. It is that your parents feel respected and heard, and know you have a real plan. If they leave the room thinking "my child has thought about this seriously", you have done well.
Struggling right now? If you are in danger or thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line: Find a helpline (any country), Umang (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS, 14416 (India).