Stage 6 · Lesson 5 of 6

When feedback is unfair or unkind

Not all feedback is fair. Sometimes it is wrong, based on bias, or delivered to hurt. You can take it seriously without accepting it.

Check it against facts and other people you trust. If it is wrong, say so calmly with evidence, once: "I see it differently, here is what happened." If it is about your accent, gender, background or religion rather than your work, that is not feedback; note what happened and, at work or university, consider talking to someone you trust or the official channel.

If criticism has become constant belittling or abuse, that is a bigger problem than feedback; protect yourself and seek support.

Common trapassuming every harsh comment is either fully deserved or fully unfair.

A question to check yourself come when you add the roadmap to your account. Add it

Resources for this stage

Start with

BookPaid
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen (Penguin Books) · Paid book
From two of the authors of the feedback triggers idea, on hard conversations of every kind

Practise

The Update, the Vent, and the Disaster
How to bring a problem to your manager, and what they are listening for

Keep handy

One on One Meeting Questions
Specific questions to ask for useful feedback in one-to-ones

Also worth your time

The Confidence Gap (Russ Harris)ReadPaid
On acting on what matters while the fear and self-doubt are still there

Struggling right now? If you are in danger or thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line: Find a helpline (any country), Umang (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS, 14416 (India).