Self-compassion, not self-pity

Kristin Neff's research describes self-compassion as three things: treating yourself with the kindness you would show a friend, remembering that failure is part of being human, and noticing painful feelings without exaggerating them. It is not letting yourself off the hook.

Studies by Neff and others link self-compassion with more willingness to try again after failure, because a failure is less frightening when you will not attack yourself for it. Try asking: "What would I say to a friend who had this exact setback?" Then say that to yourself.