Stage 3 · Lesson 4 of 7

Want vs should

Values, and what you want vs what is expected

Much of what we think we want arrived from outside: parents, teachers, relatives, friends, LinkedIn, the idea of what a successful person from your background does. A quick test is to listen for the word "should": I should do computer science, I should go abroad, I should get a government job, I should be further ahead by now.

For each "should", ask: whose voice is this? What would happen if I did not? Would I still want it if nobody would ever know?

Some shoulds turn out to be things you also want, and that is fine. Others are borrowed, and noticing that is the first step to choosing freely.

Common trapassuming that anything expected of you must be wrong for you. Expected and wanted can overlap.

A question to check yourself and an AI practice session come when you add the roadmap to your account. Add it

Resources for this stage

Practise

Greater Good in Action (UC Berkeley)
Short guided exercises for reflecting on what matters to you

Also worth your time

The Confidence Gap (Russ Harris)ReadPaid
A clear, practical introduction to values as directions, from acceptance and commitment therapy
The Courage to Be Disliked (Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga)Go deeperPaid
A thought-provoking dialogue on living by your own tasks rather than everyone else's

Struggling right now? If you are in danger or thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line: Find a helpline (any country), Umang (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS, 14416 (India).