Stage 3 of 7 · 7 lessons · ~2 weeks

Values, and what you want vs what is expected

Find the values that guide you, tell your own wants apart from the "shoulds" you absorbed, and handle conflicts between them with respect for the people around you.

Start: Values are directions, goals are destinations

Lessons· one lesson for each topic, in this order

Do this

Do a values sort down to five and define each in one sentence
Write three moments of anger, envy or pride and the value behind each
List your "shoulds" and mark each as wanted, borrowed or unsure
Write what your parents or elders hope and fear for you, then check one point with them
Name your two most conflicting values and rank them for the next two years
Do one small action for each top value this week

Practise

Greater Good in Action (UC Berkeley)
Short guided exercises for reflecting on what matters to you

Also worth your time

The Confidence Gap (Russ Harris)ReadPaid
A clear, practical introduction to values as directions, from acceptance and commitment therapy
The Courage to Be Disliked (Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga)Go deeperPaid
A thought-provoking dialogue on living by your own tasks rather than everyone else's

Before moving on: Your top five values with one-sentence definitions, a list of your main "shoulds" marked as wanted or borrowed, a note on what your family hopes and fears for you, and one small action per value done this week.

Tauseef's advice

Knowing what you want is not selfish, and respecting your family is not weakness. Most good paths in our cultures are built from both. Get clear on your own values first, so that when you talk to the people who care about you, you know what you are asking for and why.

Struggling right now? If you are in danger or thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services or a crisis line: Find a helpline (any country), Umang (Pakistan), Tele-MANAS, 14416 (India).